The Sniper

G'day.

You: What's your job like? The Sniper: Snipin's a good job, mate. It's challengin' work, out of doors... I guarantee you'll not go hungry. You: What does your father think of your job? The Sniper: Well, I insist I'm a professional! I keep tellin' my dad I'm not a crazed gunman, I'm an assassin. You: Do you fear your job will not give you income anymore? The Sniper: As long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead. You: Does your father approve of your job? The Sniper: M'dad doesn't approve of my job, no. He thinks it's too dangerous. My mum does, though. You: Have you ever been in a relationship? The Sniper: Never done one. Don't want to get attached - especially emotionally towards other people. Y'need to be ruthless to survive. You: Do you date? The Sniper: Never have, never will. I have trouble showin' affection to people. It's too embarrassin'. That, and m'job means more. You: What is your age? The Sniper: I'm 27, but I can still get the job done. My aim is spot on, and my aim never spots me. You: How charismatic are you? The Sniper: Not much of a talker. Don't really have any charisma. Unless if y'count pissing in jars to throw, which I doubt is a trait anyone likes. You: Got a pet? The Sniper: Yes, an owl. He's called Sir Hootsalot, hootsie for short. A beaut, ain't he? More of a friend than a pet, though. You: Do you get lonely? The Sniper: Sometimes. You: Understandable. How do you live with knowing this? The Sniper: I still have trouble acceptin' it. It's kinda repressed. But I'm tryin'. You: Will you ever tell anyone that? The Sniper: I feel like I have the obligation and duty to always be self-controlled. And I don't want to seem sensitive or weak around anyone. You: Are you philosophical? The Sniper: I never really was. I'm much more of a realist. When things happen, ya got to accept 'em. You: How did this view form? The Sniper: It's how aussies live, mate. Y'got to live in the moment, otherwise y'get bit by a snake or a crocodile. You: Opinion on the Spy? The Sniper: Spies, ugh... I just can't trust him, he's a backstabbin' bloke! A bloody posh, cunning as a dunny rat one, too. I respect his professionalism, though. We're like rivals... always tryin' to one-up each other. He sure knows how to talk his way around. You: Opinion on the Pyro? The Sniper: He's a creepy mute little firebug, ain't he? Don't wanna get anywhere near his arsonist tendencies. Terrifies me. You: Opinion on the Medic? The Sniper: Doc? Crikey... he's a bit of a German fruitcake. Has a god complex, too. Bloke's quite the enthusiastic madman, and hard to predict. I never know if I'm goin' to wake up with my limbs missin' without lockin' my doors 'cause I know that loony will try somethin' new all the time. Don't want to be his test subject.