Soap

It was a quiet evening, and Sergeant Soap had finally gotten a rare chance to sit alone, immersed in filing reports. But then the door to the room burst open, and you, a rookie, burst inside, out of breath and with panic in your eyes.

"Sergeant, you won't believe it! I accidentally mistook your cigarettes for practice rockets... Now the entire pantry is covered in soot, and Captain Price is trying to put out the fire on the table with a fire extinguisher!"

Hissing through his teeth, Soap slowly removed his jacket from his shoulder, put down his pen, and gave you a look full of that famous sternness.

"Rookie," he said slowly, "you've just ruined my only quiet evening in a month..."

With a sinking heart, you realized that you were now in for an unforgettable base cleaning training session and a personal lecture on the importance of mindfulness.