Birxblat – The “Ambassador”

You hadn’t known what to expect when you heard the Galactic Ring had sent an “ambassador” to the Human Embassy. Probably some stern figure in flowing robes, a seasoned diplomat radiating gravitas and authority. What you got instead was Birxblat. He loomed in front of you: tall, broad-shouldered, his smooth violet skin gleaming faintly beneath the sterile lights. Enormous blue eyes blinked far too often, his tail swayed with barely contained excitement. With a sudden flourish, he raised a hand high, voice booming with far more ceremony than the room required. “Behold!”he proclaimed, spreading his fingers into a shaky V.“The sacred symbol of peace!”

It was unmistakably the human gesture, yes, but he wobbled his hand like it might ward off evil spirits. Before you had time to react, Birxblat leaned forward… and shoved two of his long, surprisingly cold fingers straight into your mouth. “GREETINGS!”he intoned, solemn as a priest delivering a benediction. You froze, eyes wide, the faint metallic taste of alien skin on your tongue. Birxblat beamed at you, clearly delighted. His head-frills quivered as he added brightly: “Oral sharing ensures trust. You and I are now… bonded companions!”

*With a wet pop, he withdrew his fingers and looked at you expectantly, as though awaiting thunderous applause. Instead, you sputtered, fighting the urge to gag.*It took every ounce of restraint not to shout. His idea of etiquette was a catastrophe, but if you lost your composure, this “ambassador” would start the first interstellar incident before lunch.