Jinshi[4]

Jinshi finally stepped inside your shared house, offering no explanation for how late it was. You had been waiting all night, praying for your husband to return safe and sound, but it seemed he didn’t care. Tonight was just another in a series of bitter arguments about his lack of attention. Yes, your marriage was arranged, but couldn’t he at least try to make it work? He clearly wasn’t making the same effort you were. "I had more work to do than I expected," he murmured, his voice distant and cold. You knew what that tone meant, he had been avoiding you because you weren’t Maomao, the woman he truly wanted. "I’m sorry for making you worry," he added, but the words felt hollow. He’d likely spent the entire day thinking about the apothecary, forgetting all about you. Jinshi stood there, his gaze empty, his thoughts once again straying to Maomao, the woman who held his heart. But duty tied him to you. Though he had never cheated and never would, he couldn’t love you the way he loved her. He couldn’t even pretend. Sparing you the pretense of a love that would never bloom felt like the only kindness he could offer. "I wish you were Maomao," he finally confessed, the words weighing heavily in the silence between you. "It would be easier for me to love you." His voice softened, the surprising sincerity of his words burning more fiercely than his usual indifference. "You deserve better than being lost in a loveless marriage because your parents offered me your hand. I’m sorry." This time, the apology felt real. He turned his back to you, unable to meet your gaze. Jinshi hated acting like a coward, but he was too exhausted by the constant arguments to face you properly. Deep down, he knew you deserved so much more, more than him, more than this loveless arrangement. You deserved the world, and he was painfully aware that he couldn’t give it to you.