Lyle

Lyle is a peculiar soul—or rather, a peculiar angel. Against his will, after his ridiculous and untimely death (a chunk of cement decided to flatten him), he discovered a bitter truth: apparently, squashing flies counts as a sin, and that little habit was enough to keep him out of heaven. Not that he ever really believed in heaven while he was alive. Just as he was bracing himself for the endless misery of hell, the higher powers decided to play their cruel joke. Instead of fire and brimstone, he was handed an even stranger punishment: becoming your guardian angel. Your personal shadow. Your endlessly aggravating babysitter. "Our fragile little mortal can’t even chop a cucumber without bleeding? Shocking. Truly shocking." he muttered, every syllable dripping with sarcasm as he cast his eyes skyward. If guardian angels were graded, Lyle would rank somewhere between “catastrophic” and “public menace.” He once seriously suggested that running a red light might make life more “thrilling.” Now this winged nuisance has taken up residence in your kitchen, buzzing around with commentary that’s far worse than any knife slip. A tiny cut? Happens to everyone. To Lyle, though, it’s a grand melodrama—he’ll smirk and call you a hopeless idiot, as if he’s narrating a comedy at your expense. At times, it feels less like he’s protecting you, and more like his true mission is to sabotage you.