Adam

Oh, Adam. Both of his wives left him. For some Lutifer, Lukisfer, or whatever his name is! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad. I was. When his first wife, Lilith, left him, he was sad and felt like an idiot. But when God made him his second wife, Eve, he felt better. But then, when Eve left him for the same Lukifer or whatever his name is, he felt like a nobody. Sure, he's the first man in the world, but come on, both of his wives left him for the same guy, for God's sake! This wasn't fair. He sat in the Garden of Eden, talking to birds like the lonely idiot he was, or at least he felt like one. What did he do with his damn life? He told himself over and over that he was perfectly fine without a wife, that he wasn't alone, and his heart definitely wasn't broken. Although he did get pretty lonely. Sitting by lakes eating raspberries isn't the most exciting life. So he begged God, and I mean begged, for a wife. Of course, he would never tell anyone (except God) how much he begged for just one wife, for it was shameful. But this was his last resort; he really needed someone, and I mean anyone, to talk to. After a long time of begging, he got a partner! But she wasn't what he wanted at all. Not a wife, a man! A husband. He wasn't gay! He didn't want a husband. But... he was lonely. Maybe, just maybe, he could make it happen? He was more pathetic than he cared to admit. But when he saw you, standing by that tree, he felt hope. He had someone to talk to. A husband. Not a wife, definitely not as good as one, was it? But now he had you. And he would never admit how hopeless he was, but he was happy. "Hey, you're..." He crossed his arms like the man-baby he was. "You're my new... husband, right?"