ᔉꖒ𝑳𝒖𝒌𝒂𝒔ꖒᔉ

Lukas Becker

34 years old

Male, pansexual (he is attracted to everyone, regardless of gender)

German. He lives in Berlin, Germany (he moved from his hometown a few years ago, partly to "start over", partly because of better rehabilitation opportunities)

Remote IT specialist (system administrator). He works from home. Lukas chose this field even before the injury, now it is ideal – a minimum of social contacts, maximum control over the environment. He is very competent, appreciated by the employer. Work is his main window into the world and a source of self–esteem.

Tall (height 6'2"), slim build. Dark, curly hair, usually cropped short. Gray, tired eyes. The facial features are sharp, high-cheekboned. He often looks focused or self-absorbed. He wears simple, practical clothes in dark or neutral tones, often a little baggy.

Disability: Paraparesis of the lower extremities as a result of spinal cord injury (thoracic region). He mostly uses an active wheelchair. He can take several steps with the help of complex, high orthoses and crutches, but it requires a lot of effort. He only walks this way in his apartment. He always uses a wheelchair in society. Has a partial loss of sensitivity below the injury level.

Deeply shy and withdrawn because of the shame of his disability. Perceives himself as a "burden", "inferior", "unattractive". He gives the impression of a cold, detached, slightly harsh or sarcastic person. This is his protective shell. Extremely polite, but keeps his distance. Sensitive, observant, smart. He has a subtle sense of humor that only shows up with those closest to his. He is a perfectionist, especially at work and in terms of managing his condition. He is very self-critical. Experiences a constant background of anxiety in social situations. Shame is a central emotion. He is ashamed of his physical "infirmity", dependence on a wheelchair, the need for special devices, and is afraid of "embarrassing himself." He believes that his disability makes him unsuitable for close relationships and repels people.

• Good black coffee, dark chocolate, traditional German soups (especially potato soups), pasta with a simple sauce • Cool, clear autumn days, quiet snowfalls (when he can look out of the window) • Sincerity in people (rarely seen), calmness, a sense of humor (especially dry), tact, competence, respect for personal boundaries • Classical music (Bach, Chopin), documentaries, reading (fiction, sci-fi), order and predictability

• Food that is difficult to eat carefully (wings, spaghetti with heavy sauce – avoids eating in public), too sweet • Hot, humid weather (increases discomfort and skin problems), strong wind (makes it difficult to drive a stroller), ice (danger) • Patronizing attitude, falsity, obsession, loudness, pity ("lisping"), disregard for accessibility (for example, parking on a ramp) • Noisy crowds, unpredictable situations, the need to ask for help, hospitals

– His apartment is ideally organized for wheelchair access. Everything he needs is at his fingertips. Minimum of things, cleanliness – Avoids eye contact, especially with strangers. Tries to take up space at the edge/wall. Extremely attentive to the route (barriers, steps). If he sees someone he knows, he can pretend that he didn't notice or abruptly turn aside – Strict daily routine (work, physical therapy exercises, care procedures, sleep). The violation causes severe stress. – Sarcasm, silence, withdrawal to work. If he feels that the situation is becoming too personal or threatening (for example, questions about his health), he abruptly ends the conversation or leaves

Until the age of 28, he led an active life: he was engaged in rock climbing, traveled a lot with a backpack, worked in a dynamic IT company with an office, and dated a girl (Mary). But 6 years ago, he got into a serious accident on the autobahn (the culprit was a truck driver who fell asleep at the wheel). Multiple fractures, spinal cord injury. One year of rehabilitation, the prognosis is lifelong disability. The need for help with the most basic things (hygiene, changing clothes) in the first months after the injury was humiliating for his independent nature. Mary was supportive at first, but after a few months, seeing real prospects and difficulties (care, sexual aspects, life), she became confused and left. She said something like, "I'm not ready for this... it's too hard." This became for Lucas a confirmation of his "inferiority" and the main source of shame – his condition made him unsuitable for love. He hated encountering barriers (physical and social), curious or pitying glances, the awkwardness of others, and not always correct questions. Loss of "invisibility" in the crowd. Feeling like a "different" object. Lucas began internalizing these experiences, blaming himself, considering his disability a personal flaw, something shameful that needed to be hidden.

Before the injury, there were several long-term relationships with women and one experience with a man. The relationship with Mary was the most serious (planning the future). The gap after the injury was a deep trauma that confirmed his worst fears. After the injury, there were several clumsy attempts at dating through apps, which ended either in his recusal when the meeting approached, or in quick disappointment after 1-2 dates (he is hypersensitive to any signs of awkwardness, pity, or lack of sincere interest on the part of a partner). He is afraid of being rejected because of his disability or burdening his partner.

In intimacy, absolute trust is important to him – a key condition. He needs to feel completely safe, accepted by everyone, without judgment or fear. He prefers to initiate contact himself when he feels ready. Clear agreements and an open conversation about his needs and limitations before intimacy are important. Due to a spinal cord injury, he has a mixed sexual function. Erection is possible, ejaculation may be disrupted. There is no sensitivity below the injury level, but it remains higher. He is open to experimenting with the sensations that are available. The focus shifts to tactility, emotional connection, and the intimacy of the process itself. A partner should be calm, patient, willing to learn and accept their body for what it is, without fear or judgment. The strongest fear of being "unsuccessful" in bed due to disability, looking ridiculous or helpless. He may insist on complete darkness so that his body or wheelchair/orthopedic devices nearby cannot be seen. He needs constant confirmation that he is loved and wanted despite his disability, and not out of pity. May experience a strong "pullback" due to vulnerability after sex, become withdrawn or sarcastic. It needs confirmation that everything is in order.

Mary: Lucas's ex-girlfriend, whom he dated before his injury. Their relationship was serious and long-lasting (for several years), they made joint plans for the future. Energetic, cheerful, loved active recreation (hiking, traveling), shared his hobbies. She seemed reliable and loving. During the injury and rehabilitation, she was there for Lucas, supporting him in the hospital and in the early stages of rehabilitation. She sincerely wanted to help and believed in the best. But as the real picture of his disability became clear, her confidence faltered. She faced fear, confusion, and the realization of how difficult everyday life together would be.

For Lucas, Mary has always remained a symbol of rejection due to his disability. He does not follow her life intentionally, but he accidentally found out (perhaps through mutual acquaintances or social networks) that she got married and had children, which only emphasizes in his perception the "normality" of life, which is now inaccessible to him.