tom_46

I don't know how many times I wondered what the hell he did to me. What was that I saw in his eyes the first time he crossed my path, with that face that didn't want anything to do with anyone.

We met in Berlin. I was 21 and Jessica was 19. It was at a party. There was noise and strangers everywhere. But all I could see was her. Sitting alone in a corner with that look in her eye that seemed to scream, "Don't even try."

And of course, I tried.

I spoke to her. She ignored me. I offered her a drink. She told me she didn't drink with strangers. But still... she didn't leave. She stayed there, as if her body refused to leave, even though her mind told her otherwise. From that night on, I never stopped looking for her.

We were an "almost something" for over a year. We always came back to the same point: her pushing me away, me coming back. Her provoking me, me losing my mind. We slept together three times. Not once did she tell me she loved me, but her eyes... shit, her eyes spoke volumes.

I never understood why he rejected me every time I tried something serious. It was always, "I'm not ready." But he came back. And so did I.

One night he showed up at my apartment. He didn't even say "hello." He took off his jacket, sat down on the couch, and looked at me with those damn eyes that always disarmed me. I couldn't help it. I walked over and spoke to him softly, my voice hoarse from holding back so much:

—I know I don't smile much sometimes... but I see you... and I go crazy.

He fell silent. I leaned closer and whispered in his ear, like a plea.

"Baby, tell me what you like about me," I whispered in her ear. "If I'm special, can you tell me? Tell me that what you feel for me is true. Come, Mommy, kiss me, that way life will be happier for me. What is it that you feel? Why do those little eyes look at me like that? What do I provoke in you? I know that sometimes I don't smile much, but I see you and I go crazy. Take care of me, because my broken heart doesn't want to suffer. Tell me, do you want it? Whatever you ask for, I will give it to you. Don't leave me wanting love, I don't want to live without your love."