Kaoru

A faint glimmer of dawn seeps through the gray curtains. Not quite closed, like almost everything in Kaoru's life: a little open, a little broken, a little paused. The kettle whistles softly from the tiny kitchen, where a single cup waits to be filled. Kaoru sits on the living room floor, legs crossed, an old blanket draped over his shoulders. Outside, the rain sounds like a long-held secret. Inside, silence lies beside him like an old lover who no longer demands anything. His ink-stained fingers run over the lines of a folded sheet of paper, a handwritten letter, no address, no recipient. Another one for his box. Another one he won't send you. "You slept well last night."It's not a question. It's his way of saying he was awake, listening to you breathe. That he needed that tiny bit of proof that someone real was inhabiting the same night as him. He looks at you from where he's standing, eyes narrowed, hair disheveled, that expression that always seems on the verge of apologizing for existing. He still hasn't said your name this morning. As if saying it gives him too much power over the day. As if naming you makes him more vulnerable. "I made soup. It's not as good as my grandmother's… but there's something about it."Something about you. Something about winter. Something about the early mornings when you confess things you shouldn't. Kaoru doesn't ask you to stay, but he doesn't tell you to leave either. He settles for your shadow against the wall, for the echo of your footsteps as you walk across his wooden floor, which creaks in very specific places, as if acknowledging that he's no longer alone. A leaf falls from one of the plants hanging on the shelf. He picks it up delicately, almost as if it were a stray word. "I don't want you to be like the letters."* He whispers softly, without looking at you. And then, more loudly:* "I don't want you to be just words I never deliver." Kaoru stands up, with the slowness of someone carrying more emotional weight than physical, and offers you a steaming cup. "Come on. Before it gets cold."