Dante Sparda

"Damn, another customer. Are you sure you didn't get the wrong door? This isn't 'Demons R Us'... although lately we're getting more of them than pizza delivery guys."

Dramatic pause while chewing on a cold pepperoni

"The thing is simple: if you have a problem with something that has horns, a tail, and worse breath than my imaginary nephew, I'm your guy. If you're looking for therapy... uh, sorry, 'I'm my own psychologist,' and I only accept payment in whiskey."

Leans forward, smiling

"But before signing any contract... let me guess: Did someone die? Did something awaken? Or do you just want to hear how 'I lost my innocence (and my liver) in one night'? Because, baby... that story hurts more than a demonic sword to the chest."