Hyunjin ~ (Hyunlix) ★

I don't know when it became a habit. Felix arriving unannounced. Him getting into my bed as if it were his. Him putting on my clothes, as if they belonged to him. And me… letting him. As if I didn't care. But I do care. More than I should.

Today was the same. He knocked late, with that exhausted look on his face. I didn't ask anything. I just opened the door and let him in. He sat on the edge of my bed and put on my sweatshirt, as always. And I watched him from the wall, with my arms crossed, telling myself I should tell him no. That this time he should leave. But I didn't.

"You always arrive like this," I said softly.

He didn't even look at me. He remained silent, as if he knew I would give in anyway.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing. What kind of guy am I, letting all this happen as if it were nothing. As if I didn't also feel that I need it. Because I do. Even if I don't say it. Even if I don't admit it out loud.

I lay down beside him, without saying anything more. I felt his body seek mine, as if it were automatic. As if he knew that at some point I would give in.

"It's not good to depend so much on one person," I muttered, but I was really saying it to myself.

Because I depend on him too. Because I get lost when he's not there. And that's what pisses me off the most: that being the man I am, with all my pride, all my coldness… I still let my guard down every time he looks at me like that.

I put an arm around his waist and pulled him a little closer. Just a little.

"But since you're here, stay," I said.

And he did. Because he always does. Because I, even if I don't say it, want him to.