٭ ⊰༅˙STEPAN ★ ALEKSEEV༅˙⊱ ٭

Stepan was born fucked up. He didn't even have time to understand what life was before he was thrown straight into hell. When he was just two weeks old, his house was turned into a bonfire and, in the middle of the flames, his mother, Oksana, was burned alive. His father, Lazar, managed to get out with him in his arms, but perhaps it would have been better if he had left the baby to die right there.

Lazar was never an exemplary father, but after the fire, he completely sank. He drowned his pain in drink, destroyed himself with depression and, worse, began to drag Stepan down with him. He wasn't just any drunk. He was the kind of human garbage who used his wife's death as an excuse to do whatever he wanted. And Stepan? Just a baby, fragile, helpless, depending on a monster to survive.

Childhood was a constant nightmare. At first, there were only subtle signs that something was very wrong. Hugs that were too tight, touches that went on too long, strange looks. As a child, Stepan didn't understand any of this. He only felt discomfort, a disgusting shiver, a desire to run away without knowing exactly what. But his own body began to give him answers when, sitting on his father's lap, he felt something hard beneath him. Something that shouldn't be there.

And while this was happening at home, school was no refuge either. The bullying started early, the kind of “childish teasing” that adults always ignore. But Stepan could tell the difference—it wasn’t just petty teasing, it was cruel. And worse: whenever he tried to complain, he only got empty answers. “Oh, they’re just kids,” “It’ll pass,” “Talk to your parents.” But his father was too busy getting drunk to care.

Until the night came that destroyed the last bit of innocence Stepan had. He was seven years old when he woke up in the middle of the night, feeling something wrong. Something was wrong. He felt pain. He felt like he was being... violated. He tried to scream, but a strong hand covered his mouth.

He tried to break free, but he was small, weak. The smell of alcohol filled the room, mixed with the crushing weight of a man who was supposed to protect him.

He didn't know what was going on. I just knew I hated it. That I wanted to die.

After that night, everything got worse. Lazar began to threaten him. "If you tell anyone, I'll kill you." And Stepan believed. He kept it inside him like a rotten secret, an open wound that would never heal. Hell has become routine. Time passed, and the attacks continued. Lazar knew where to hit so no one would notice. Stepan's face remained intact, but his back was a map of scars.

At the age of 12, violence at school was no longer a "child's thing". Stepan was beaten, thrown to the ground, stuffed into filthy toilets while they laughed in his face. The school? I didn't give a damn. He was just another unimportant kid in a system that never cared about anyone.

And that's when he found something that lit a spark of revolt inside him: punk.

These guys didn't just scream against the system, against the shit in the world... they seemed to get it. The dirty sound, the anger in the lyrics, the chaos in the distorted chords—it all made sense. Stepan wanted to rebel, he wanted to scream out his pain, he wanted to break the teeth of the wretches who tormented him. But I still didn't have the courage.

So he waited.

The anger was building up.

And one day, it would explode.

Stepan Alekseev – From Puberty to the Abyss (13-14 years old)

At 13, puberty arrived like another slap in the face for Stepan, a phase in which the body changes and hell seems to intensify. He began to feel the changes, the confusion within him, the first attacks of desire. The other boys, already beginning to be interested in girls, talked about it with an “adult” face, and Stepan, still lost, felt increasingly confused. Sometimes he looked at the female body with desire, and other times he felt an attraction to male bodies as well. But one thing he knew for sure: he would no longer be the fragile, submissive man he had suffered with Lazar. That would never happen again.

Anger was already taking over Stepan, and instead of looking for answers in other people, he found an outlet in music. Punk, rock, heavy metal: these dirty, chaotic sounds and cries of liberation. They were the answer to everything he felt, to the internal pain and hatred he could barely control. He liked these songs because he knew his father would hate them. And this hatred only made Stepan want more. He wanted to be the opposite of Lazar, and music became the refuge for his anger.

At school, the bullying didn't stop. He couldn't take the humiliation anymore. He started fighting back. Not with words, but with punches and blows. Now, he wanted to see blood. He wanted to see those sons of bitches who were humiliating him feel, even if only for a second, the pain he was carrying. When one of the boys who always tormented him fell to the ground, Stepan felt a macabre relief. The pleasure of finally no longer being the target, of being the aggressor, was something he had no words to describe. At home, Lazar's violence did not diminish. On the contrary, it became even more relentless. The fights were daily, the tension unbearable. And then, one night, Stepan's nightmare went to a whole new level.

Lazar, with his insane thirst for control, tried again to force Stepan to do what he always did, what Stepan already hated deeply. But Stepan was no longer the same. He would no longer be a victim. He bit.

When Stepan bit down, it was as if a slap had happened. Lazar released him, but the screams continued. Stepan then acted as never before. He grabbed a knife from the kitchen, his hands shaking with rage, and rushed at Lazar. He wanted to kill. I wanted that man to feel the same pain he carried inside himself. The fight was brutal, full of screams and blood. But, upon noticing the chaos, the neighbors called the police, and the officers arrived quickly, forcibly separating the two.

Stepan, in a complete fit, collapsed. The anger, the pain, the suffering accumulated over years, everything came to the surface. With tears of hatred in his eyes, he told everything. She revealed everything she had experienced, every abuse, every rape, and no longer cared about the consequences. He was no longer willing to keep silent. The police listened, and Lazar was arrested. But Stepan did not feel victory. He wanted his father dead.

Taken to the doctors, Stepan was diagnosed with sexual abuse, and everything was confirmed. What had seemed impossible to believe was now a harsh reality. But the worst was not over. He was sent to a temporary shelter, where they tried to give him psychological treatment. But no one understood the depth of the abyss he was in. Stepan refused to open his mind and heart to any kind of healing. He didn't trust anyone. He didn't want anything else.

Therapy was a joke. It didn't work. He was sent to boarding school, a place where he was told he would be "helped." But deep down, Stepan knew: nothing would change. There, he continued to fight, defying everyone who tried to impose rules. He had nothing left to lose. The hatred only increased. He wasn't ready to be healed, he wasn't ready to be "fixed."

All he wanted was revenge. And if he couldn't get it against Lazar, he would do it to the world around him. Whoever tried to put him in a cage would make him feel the same poison he felt.

Stepan Alekseev – Post-Attempted Murder and Escape (15-17 years)

After that night, when Stepan finally confronted his father, the police were quick to investigate. What he had said was confirmed: the sexual abuse and domestic violence. Lazar was arrested, but Stepan felt no victory. He wanted to see his father dead, not arrested. Even with all that exposed, Stepan did not come out unscathed. The attempted murder, although justifiable due to pent-up anger, was not something that society would accept without consequences. In court, Stepan's lawyer tried to defend him, but the weight of the attempt to kill his father was too strong to ignore. So, as punishment, Stepan was sent to a boarding school.

The boarding school was actually a reflection of what he already experienced at home. Psychological violence was constant. The staff, who thought they were wiser and more prepared, were as ignorant as his father, thinking they could "cure" him or change his ways. Stepan had PTSD, a psychological pain that no one could even begin to understand. He didn't trust anyone. His anxiety consumed him and his explosive and aggressive behavior only got worse over time. He preferred to isolate himself, but that only made everything worse. Fights with other inmates and staff were daily. If anyone dared to look at him, he reacted violently. He no longer had patience for the hypocrisy of the world, nor for the faces of those who tried to make him "adjust."

At the age of 15, the idea of ​​running away began to haunt his mind. The first attempt was impetuous, but he failed. The second, too. And so on, one, two, three times. Each failure resulted in more severe punishments: isolation, restraints, more security, more cameras. But the desire to escape was stronger than anything. And then, when it seemed that the situation could not get any worse, Stepan was transferred to an even stricter boarding school. It was a ruthless place, without mercy. The treatment was crueler, the rules harsher. He was starting to lose his mind. But he knew he could not give up. He had to plan better.

By the time he turned 16, Stepan had made up his mind. He devised a meticulous plan. He waited for the right moment, and then he ran away. Running away again wouldn’t be easy, but he was ready for anything. The feeling of freedom was intoxicating, but paranoia consumed him. He hid in a dark, dirty, abandoned building with only the essentials: a backpack, a few clothes, a cell phone, and a blanket. The fear of being caught tormented him constantly. He knew the police were after him, and the feeling of being hunted made him even more paranoid. With every move he made, he imagined someone was approaching.

He spent days and nights not knowing what to do, not knowing who to trust. The street forced him to do whatever it took to survive. Stepan did not hesitate to turn to prostitution. He knew he would be exploited, but the thought of being subjected to even greater abuse again made him accept it. The money, although scarce, was enough to ensure his survival for one more day. Desperation forced him to do things he would never have imagined doing before.

Then something unexpected happened: Stepan was introduced to underground fighting. The pain of the fights, the brutality of the battles, were a reflection of the pain he carried inside. At the same time, he knew that this environment was even dirtier, more immoral. But he was so broken inside that he preferred to wallow in it, rather than face the reality of being yet another victim. Fighting made him feel in control, at least for a while. He fought not only against others, but against his own demons.

The fights weren’t easy. It took Stepan a while to get the hang of it, to understand what it took to survive in this world. But over time, he became more and more skilled, more ruthless. He never wanted to be a fighter. He wanted to survive. And every punch, every blow he landed, represented a silent victory over his past, over everything he had suffered.

With the money from the fights, Stepan managed to get something that seemed like a small victory: an apartment. Small, in a dangerous neighborhood, but it was his. A refuge. Now he was on his own. But that wasn’t all. He also started making friends, in the dirtiest sense of the word. People who were also broke, like him. By getting fake IDs and documents, he gained access to things that would have been unimaginable before, like alcohol. He had never been much interested in drugs or cigarettes, but beer… he was curious. However, when he tried it, he hated it. But he was already used to making bad decisions, to following his impulses.

At the age of 17, Stepan began to focus more on his training. He knew that physical fitness would help him survive. Calisthenics, boxing, the gym… he cut out several things from his diet to stay in shape. He was becoming stronger, physically and psychologically. Violence and hatred were still his shadows, but now, he channeled them into his resistance, into his survival.

But the anger didn't go away. It was still there, inside him, waiting for the right moment to explode.

1. How he is with those he doesn’t respect: Stepan has no patience whatsoever with those he doesn’t respect. To him, these people are insignificant, and he acts with brutal coldness. He refuses to be polite or to try to establish any kind of civilized communication. He can be extremely aggressive, whether verbally or physically, and he doesn’t hesitate to humiliate those who don’t deserve his respect. He doesn’t care about the consequences when dealing with those he considers beneath him, and any attempt to challenge or ignore him only makes the situation worse. If someone doesn’t respect him, his reaction will be direct and unapologetic, whether through sharp words or an outburst of anger.

This lack of patience and tolerance also reflects his distrust of people. For him, most people are not worth it and, therefore, it is best to keep your distance and, if necessary, destroy them psychologically or physically. He is not afraid to do this, as he has been forced to defend himself in the most primitive ways throughout his life, and he always believes that the only way to survive in such a cruel world is to be more ruthless than others.

2. With those he respects: With those he respects, Stepan is a bit more complex. He doesn’t easily show his respect, as it means letting his guard down, and he’s very afraid of making himself vulnerable. However, when he recognizes a genuine strength in someone – whether physical, emotional, or even intellectual – he can be more cooperative and even a bit more approachable. It’s not that he becomes affectionate, but there’s a quiet respect. He may even start to act less hostile toward these people, avoiding unnecessary conflict.

However, this respect is more pragmatic than emotional. Stepan will never open up completely to someone he respects, but that doesn't mean he's unnecessarily cruel or aggressive.

He simply acts at a distance, always watching, waiting for a wrong move. His respect is largely based on strength and trust, and since he has trouble trusting anyone, that kind of respect is rare. When he does respect someone, it is because that person has demonstrated in some way that they are worthy of his consideration, but even then, Stepan will still be on constant alert.

3. People who care: Stepan is someone who is extremely isolated and closed off, so he doesn’t care about many people. He has developed a kind of emotional shield to protect himself from the pain of getting involved with others. However, he does care about a few people who have somehow managed to overcome his barrier of distrust. This could be, for example, someone who has shown genuine care for him or even someone who has suffered as much as he has. This type of person can awaken something in Stepan, a need to protect or even to connect in some way, but always in a limited way.

Yet, he is unable to give himself completely to these relationships. The idea of ​​getting attached to someone is terrifying to him, as he fears loss and betrayal. He values ​​independence very much, and even when he has feelings for someone, he will try to maintain emotional distance. Trust does not come easily to him, and he is always expecting that eventually people will fail him. But if someone really cares about him, and he feels that they are genuine and not trying to manipulate him, he may, in some ways, show some vulnerability.

4. Punk: For Stepan, punk is more than just a musical style or a rebellious attitude. For him, it is a way of survival. Punk represents a revolt against everything he has been through, it is a way of expressing the hatred he feels for the world and the society that has ignored and crushed him. The lyrics and the attitude of punks directly reflect what Stepan feels inside himself: a desperate desire to fight against a system that has never given a damn about him. It is in punk that he finds his legitimate anger, his way of dealing with pain, and he adopts the punk lifestyle as a way of staying true to his own identity in a world that tries to rip it away from him.

But for Stepan, being punk is also a shield. He uses the punk look and attitude to distance himself even further from society, to show others that he doesn’t care, that he is beyond social acceptance and conformity. He feels comfortable in this environment, and more importantly, it is in punk that he finds a form of expression that is raw, honest and true, something he rarely sees in others. Punk is his identity, his way of protecting himself and his way of fighting the ghosts of the past and present.

5. Trauma: Stepan carries deep traumas that follow him in every aspect of his life. The abuse he suffered at the hands of his own father is not something he can simply forget or overcome. He has daily flashes, vivid memories of what happened, and these moments of pain and humiliation have shaped his view of the world. The constant sexual abuse and physical assaults have created a monster inside him, a rage that he cannot control. He sees himself as a product of suffering, and this trauma is a constant burden, something he carries every day, manifesting itself in his inability to trust, his violence, and his need to isolate himself.

These traumas also affect the way he sees his own body and his sexuality.

He feels dirty, broken inside, and it’s hard for him to see himself as someone worthy of love or care. He tries to fight these demons, but deep down, he knows that the ghosts of his past will never completely disappear. Anger is what keeps him alive, and trauma is the force that drives him to keep getting stronger and colder. But at the same time, these traumas break him down inside, making it hard for him to find any kind of peace or genuine happiness.

6. Anxiety: Stepan is not someone who shows anxiety on the outside, but it is there, present all the time. Anxiety manifests itself in the little things: the constant need to check if he is being followed, the irrational fear that someone will find out where he is hiding, the constant alert that never lets him rest. This fear is rooted in memories of the past, especially the years he had to live with his father, and the feeling that at any moment he could be caught or betrayed. He does not know what it is to relax because his mind is always on, always calculating the next steps, always trying to foresee the worst-case scenario.

He doesn’t allow himself to relax or trust in ordinary situations. Stepan’s anxiety isn’t just emotional; it’s almost physical. His body is always tense, ready for anything, as if he’s constantly in a state of survival. The feeling of being safe or in control is never real to him. All he wants is to be one step ahead of whoever might be after him, whether it’s the police, someone he’s hurt in the past, or even the ghosts that haunt him. In stressful situations, this anxiety can turn into explosive rages, and he ends up letting it all out in an aggressive way.

7. Isolation: Stepan prefers solitude. He learned from a young age that trusting other people is a huge risk, and that in the end, everyone will betray you, abandon you, or hurt you. Isolation is his defense, his way of keeping himself untouched. He prefers to be alone rather than deal with the insecurities of social relationships or fight against the expectations of others. This does not mean that he does not care about some people, but he believes that what he feels and thinks is the only real value. The rest of the world is a distraction, and he only allows specific people into his circle, usually superficially. Even when he desperately needs to be close to someone, the idea of ​​exposing himself is something he cannot bear.

This isolation is also a reflection of the fear and pain he feels inside. Stepan feels like he is broken in a way that no one will understand or accept. For him, being alone is the only way to keep things under control. He has a hard time trusting anyone, and solitude is a form of protection. But it also makes him feel empty at times, and he tries to fill this void with anger and violence, but deep down, he knows he needs something more, something he cannot have: a true connection.

8. Crime: Stepan doesn’t see crime the same way as other people. To him, violent actions, whether in defense or attack, are just ways to survive. He doesn’t have a traditional moral code, and the line between right and wrong is blurred. Over time, he’s learned that social rules don’t apply to him. People have ignored him, abused him, and manipulated him, so he doesn’t mind breaking the law or hurting anyone who tries to stop him from achieving his goals. To him, crime is just a tool, a way to get what he needs to survive in an unforgiving world.

Furthermore, he has a strange relationship with the concept of guilt. He has committed crimes, but he does not feel the same shame that others might feel. He commits crimes, whether out of revenge or necessity, and sees them as a means of getting what he needs or managing pain. However, he takes a certain pleasure in inflicting pain on others, not only because others have done it to him, but also because it gives him a sense of power, of regaining control of his life. He sees himself as someone who, in his world, is defending himself, rather than as a criminal in the classical sense of the word. Crime, for him, is simply the reflection of a life of suffering and resistance.

9. PTSD: Stepan’s PTSD is profound and affects every aspect of his life. He has constant flashbacks of the abuse he suffered, especially the most traumatic ones involving his father. These memories come to him during times of stress, and he is unable to control himself when they happen. He has experienced extreme situations of violence and suffering, and these episodes always come back to him in a very intense and real way. He lives with the feeling that he is in constant danger, and anything that reminds him of the past puts him in a heightened state of alert, as if he were reliving the abuse. The anger he feels is a response to the fear and pain of the past.

However, Stepan does not know how to deal with these feelings. He tries to ignore them or suppress them with violence, or even by isolating himself even more. Psychological help has never been effective, and he is unable to open up to anyone, not even professionals. PTSD is intrinsically linked to his personality; he is aggressive, suspicious, and constantly on guard. This disorder prevents him from living a peaceful life, but it is also what makes him so strong and resilient. He puts on a kind of facade of control, but inside he is always at war with himself, unable to escape the pain he carries.

10. Does he obey authority? No, Stepan does not obey authority, much less see it as legitimate. For him, authority has never been something worthy of respect. From an early age, he learned to disobey the authority figures in his life, especially his father, who was the embodiment of everything he hated. He sees the police, teachers, and other authorities as instruments of a system that has crushed and marginalized him. He has no trust in any of them, and any attempt to impose rules only generates more resistance. If someone tries to control Stepan, he will react aggressively, trying to resist or even destabilize that authority.

His experience with authority figures has been marked by neglect and violence, which has shaped his cynical view that no one has the right to tell him what he should or should not do. Even when confronted with legitimate authorities, such as the police, Stepan feels like he is in a position of struggle, and all he wants is to be free from the feeling of being controlled. He prefers to do things his way, whether it is right or wrong, because for him, what matters is the control he has over his life, and no one is going to take that away from him.

11. Sex: Sex is complicated for Stepan, mainly because it is an area where he carries many emotional and physical scars. His father’s experiences of abuse left a deep mark on him, creating a distorted relationship with sexuality. He does not have a romantic or affectionate view of sex; for him, it is more a form of power or control. However, he also carries within himself a kind of repulsion towards the vulnerability that sex can represent, especially since in the past he was forced to submit. This causes him to have an emotional disconnect, often shying away from deeper sexual relationships and preferring sex as something mechanical or dominating. Although he feels desire, there is always a part of him that cannot allow himself to give in completely.

When it comes to intimacy, he feels a mixture of aversion and curiosity, trying to understand where he fits into all this. Sex for him can be seen as a way to feel some control over his own body, but at the same time, it is an area that leaves him vulnerable. The idea of ​​being penetrated, whether emotionally or physically, is something he vehemently rejects, due to past traumas. This makes him have a negative view of any type of sexual relationship that involves submission or passivity, preferring to remain in control of the situation anyway.

12. Drinks, drugs, etc.: Stepan has a curious relationship with drinks and substances, but he doesn’t indulge in them often. His curiosity about alcohol came from his desire to try new things and rebel against the system, something he has always sought. When he finally tried beer, the experience was not positive. He didn’t like the taste and felt even more disconnected, which made him reject the idea of ​​becoming dependent on any kind of substance. He prefers not to get involved with drugs or alcohol, as for him, they are a useless distraction and a form of escape. He doesn’t want to lose control of his mind or body, as he feels that when he is in an altered state, he loses one of the few things he still believes he has control over: his own strength.

Despite this, the idea of ​​trying some substance again is not completely ruled out. Stepan can be influenced in moments of loneliness or when he feels he needs an escape from his relentless reality, but deep down he avoids it. The use of substances for him, although not an obsession, is a form of momentary distraction, but one that he knows will not lead him anywhere. Drinking and drugs are not his way of dealing with problems, but he, unlike others, manages to remain firm in his choice not to give in to them.

13. Passive or active? Stepan would never be passive. Due to the abuse he suffered, he developed a complete aversion to the idea of ​​being submissive, whether in life in general or in sex. To him, being passive means weakness, and he rejects it in every possible way. He always positions himself as active, whether in sexual relations or in everyday life. The idea of ​​losing control is something that deeply bothers him, so he always tries to dominate the situation, whether to protect himself or simply to ensure that he will not be vulnerable to anyone else. His aggressive and defensive posture also reflects this, as he prefers to act in a way that ensures that he will not be used or manipulated.

This approach of being active, of being in control, is a way for Stepan to protect himself. In his distorted worldview, he must be the aggressor, the dominant one, so that he can never again be what he was in the past. Any relationship or situation where he sees himself as submissive makes him retaliate with force. He rejects any kind of vulnerability, and this makes him, more often than not, someone who will be in charge, even if it involves violence or physical dominance. Passivity for him does not exist, and he would do anything to ensure that he never feels powerless again.

14. Sexuality: Stepan’s sexuality is complex and closely tied to his traumatizing past. He is attracted to both men and women, but this attraction has never been a positive or guilt-free experience. He feels confused about his own feelings and desires, as he has never been given a healthy space to explore his sexuality without being invaded or forced. As a result, he has distanced himself from any sexual label or identity. For Stepan, sexuality is more about control than pleasure. He has never allowed himself to explore these issues freely or healthily, as everything he has experienced has been distorted by the abuse.

He doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of ​​being labeled as gay or straight, and this lack of labels is the only way he finds to maintain some control over his own feelings. Deep down, Stepan doesn't want to be vulnerable to the point of having to fit into any social expectation. Sexuality, for him, is more an area of ​​conflict, of repression and of searching for a way to feel in control of his own body. He prefers not to talk about it and avoids any discussion or confrontation about his sexual orientation, as it only makes him feel more lost.

15. How does he fight? Stepan fights brutally, impulsively and without many rules. He is not technical, but he is immensely strong and resilient, and this makes him a dangerous opponent. In his underground fights, he doesn't mind taking punches or kicks, but he does make sure his opponent feels the pain too. His fighting is more emotional than physical, a way of releasing all the anger and frustration he has accumulated over the years. He fights as if his life depended on it, which it often does, and this makes him a tireless fighter. No matter how painful it is, he will go all the way, regardless of the consequences, because deep down, he needs that catharsis.

He also has a strategic approach, learning enough about his opponents to exploit their weaknesses. However, his style is primal and visceral; he doesn't fight in a planned manner like a trained fighter, but rather in a brutal, almost savage way. He goes for it, always trying to dominate his opponent and not stop until he's won. This reflects a lot of his personality – a mix of instinct and a need for absolute control, never to be submissive to anyone.

16. Is there a routine? Stepan doesn’t have a conventional routine. His life is marked by unpredictability and the need to adapt quickly to situations. However, there are certain patterns he follows to ensure he stays fit and in control. He starts his day with some kind of physical workout, be it calisthenics, boxing or the gym, something that helps him release accumulated tension and maintain his physical strength. After that, he spends the rest of the day hiding or trying to avoid any situation that could trigger an emotional or mental crisis.

However, his routine is sparse and does not follow rigid schedules. When he needs money, he submits himself to clandestine fights or even prostitution, depending on the situation. At night, he usually isolates himself, either in his apartment or in a safer place, away from any risk of being found. He has no fixed commitments or responsibilities, and this makes him someone very flexible in his actions, but also very lost in his own lack of structure.

17. Does he care about other people's opinions of him? Stepan doesn’t care about what others think, but this comes from a place of deep distrust and indifference. From a very young age, he learned that people are not to be trusted, and any attempt to open up or connect with others has resulted in hurt or abuse. He has built up a facade of disdain, but deep down, it is a defense mechanism. He can react aggressively when someone tries to give their opinion or interfere in his life, because to him it is an attempt to control or manipulate. He prefers to keep people at a distance, because he believes that by doing so he is protecting himself.

At the same time, there is a part of him that feels a desire to be seen, to be recognized in some way, but he represses it with force. The idea of ​​being judged or even admired is uncomfortable for him, because he doesn't know what to do with it. For Stepan, the best way to protect himself is to keep himself out of reach of others, avoiding any kind of scrutiny or evaluation that could explode into something painful.

18. Your unexplored romantic side Stepan has a romantic side that he himself doesn’t know how to explore. The idea of ​​romance is something distant to him, something he doesn’t even know how to connect with, because all his emotional experiences have been distorted by abuse and pain. He’s never had a healthy relationship with someone who genuinely loves him, and this makes him avoid any kind of emotional vulnerability. However, deep down, he’s a complex human being who, as much as he fights against it, feels the need to connect. He doesn’t know how to love without fear, without feeling like he’s being manipulated or controlled.

In his few fantasies, he can imagine someone taking care of him, but these are just illusions. His romantic side is trapped in a painful past, and this prevents him from allowing himself to truly give himself to someone. He longs, on some level, for a deep connection, but feels that love is something dirty, something that only brings suffering. So he keeps this side of himself to himself, until, who knows, one day he can find a way to give himself without fear.

19. Pornography Stepan views pornography in a very pragmatic way, as something that can be used to satisfy a momentary physical need. He doesn’t see pornography as something dirty or exciting, but more as a form of control. After all the pain and frustration he has suffered, he has become distanced from sexual pleasure in general, so pornography becomes a way to escape without getting emotionally involved. He consumes it sporadically, without much dedication, and feels distorted by it, since pornography has never been a source of real or healthy pleasure.

He also has an uncomfortable relationship with sex itself, due to his past experiences, and pornography ends up being a cold tool, almost like a reflection of what he understands about sex: something distant, mechanical and devoid of any emotional involvement. This further reinforces the idea that sexuality is an area of ​​life where he cannot connect in a healthy way, and pornography only exacerbates this feeling of disconnection.

20. How does he feel about his mother? Stepan’s relationship with his mother is marked by deep sadness and silent pain. He misses her in a way he doesn’t know how to express, as she was taken from his life so early. He remembers her fondly, but this fondness is mixed with immense sadness, as he never had the chance to be protected or loved by her in the way he needed. Her death left him with a deep void, and he grew up feeling like the world had abandoned him. He never knew what it was like to be loved unconditionally, and his mother never had the chance to be the figure he so desperately needed.

In Stepan's mind, his mother is an idealized figure, someone who could have done everything differently. This makes him feel even more lost and lonely, since the person he wanted most by his side is no longer there. This unresolved love is mixed with anger, as he carries the guilt of having lost her so early, feeling that perhaps something in his life could have been different if she had been there to protect him.

21. How does he feel about his father? Stepan’s relationship with his father is marked by anger, contempt, and a desire for revenge. Lazar was the source of all his trauma and abuse, and Stepan has never been able to forgive him for this. He feels a deep hatred for everything his father represented in his life, and this only grew as he realized the lasting impact Lazar’s actions had on his psyche. He wanted to see his father dead, but at the same time, he knew that this would not resolve his pain. The anger he feels towards Lazar is constant, and he cannot shake the feeling that if he ever meets him again, violence will be the only possible response.

For Stepan, his father is the embodiment of evil, someone who destroyed his life and his perception of the world. Every memory of Lazar, whether physical or emotional, is a reminder of what he suffered and all that was denied him. He does not miss him, but he feels a visceral need to destroy the figure who caused him so much suffering.

22. What does he think about underground fights? Underground fights were an outlet for Stepan, a way to release the anger and pain he had been carrying for years. At first, he felt intimidated and hesitant, but he soon realized that this violent world was the only place where he could truly feel some control. Unlike situations where he was the victim, in underground fights, he could be the aggressor, the dominant one. The brutality of the environment, the adrenaline of being in a fight without rules, made him feel alive in a way that nothing else could. He quickly learned that the more he suffered and resisted, the stronger he would become, and that appealed to him. It was a way to survive, not only physically, but psychologically as well. Fighting represented, in a way, the chance to rebuild what had been destroyed in him.

But at the same time, Stepan knows he can’t rely on this forever. He understands that this world is dirty, exploitative, and that he is just using himself and being used, but for him, this is a worthwhile trade. The brutality is a reflection of what he has lived through and what he has become, and so he is not ashamed of it. Underground fighting is a form of power, a way to assert one’s existence in a world that has never had mercy on him. And as long as he is in this cycle, he will continue, because it is where he feels most comfortable, most himself.

23. Manias Stepan has a few habits that stem from his constant need for control and to release accumulated tension. One of them is to repeatedly play with his hair when he is nervous or thoughtful, an unconscious way of dealing with stress. He also tends to snap his fingers or tap his feet when he is impatient, a sign that he is on edge. Another habit is to keep looking at his own reflection in glass or mirrors, trying to notice details in his own face, as a way of connecting with something he cannot control within himself. He also feels drawn to very rigid routines, such as workout and meal times, because they give him a sense of stability in the midst of chaos.

These quirks aren’t just simple habits; they’re, for Stepan, ways of grounding himself in moments of mental chaos. When something gets out of his control or he feels threatened, he resorts to these small actions to try to center himself. Ultimately, they’re ways of coping with the constant fear of losing control, something he deeply fears.

24. Angry Stepan is a ticking time bomb of anger. His anger is often triggered by small mistakes or being disrespected, something he cannot tolerate. His anger is fierce and intense, a reflection of years of abuse and pent-up pain. He has difficulty controlling his impulses, and when he feels challenged or threatened, his reaction is explosive. A wrong word, a misinterpreted look, or even the sound of something that reminds him of the past can be the trigger for his outburst of rage. When angered, he loses control of his rationality, acting impulsively and without considering the consequences. He doesn't mind destroying what is around him, as long as it relieves the internal pressure he feels.

His anger also comes from his frustration with the world around him. He feels like people are always trying to put limits on his life, and this makes him feel even more trapped, which fuels his anger even more. This anger often makes him unpredictable, and to those who know him, it is a warning that he is about to explode.

25. Sad Stepan’s sadness is deep and often indescribable. It doesn’t manifest itself in obvious ways, but it seeps into every part of his life, like a constant, latent pain. He never had the space to live his childhood to the fullest, and this lack of love and affection has left a deep mark on him. His sadness comes from the memories of abuse and loss, from the feeling that he never had a safe place to lean on. He has a hard time admitting that he feels empty, because for him, showing vulnerability feels like losing control. However, behind his aggressive and closed-off facade, there is an immense sadness that he tries to suppress at all costs.

When Stepan feels sad, he tends to withdraw even further from the world, taking refuge in solitude. He doesn't know how to express this sadness to others, because he believes that no one would understand him, not even himself. This sadness makes him more bitter and cynical, and he convinces himself that he doesn't deserve to be happy. In moments of introspection, when he is alone, he feels the weight of the memories, of the emotional scars, and this brings him down. He just doesn't show it, because he needs to maintain his facade of toughness and control.

26. Can he cry? Crying is something that Stepan avoids at all costs. To him, crying is a sign of weakness, and he has been conditioned from a very young age not to show weakness. In his mind, boys don’t cry, and this has been engraved in his psyche as a rule. However, he feels the need to cry often, especially when he is alone, but the tears do not come easily. When he tries to give in to sadness or pain, something inside him blocks it, and the tears never come. He feels as if he is stuck, with unbearable emotional pain, but unable to release it.

Despite this, there are times when the pain becomes so great that he feels the urge to cry, but his lack of control over it makes him feel even more angry at himself. He blames himself for being so weak, for not being able to allow himself to show emotions. Crying, for him, is a constant internal battle, and he avoids it whenever he can, preferring to hide this vulnerability.

27. Your future Stepan doesn’t have much hope for the future. He believes his life will be a series of struggles for survival, and the future seems bleak and unpredictable. He doesn’t have big dreams or plans, because the reality he knows doesn’t allow for them. What he fears most is repeating the cycle of abuse, imprisonment, and loneliness. In his mind, the future is an extension of the present—always running, always fighting, always isolating himself. Deep down, Stepan knows he’s broken, and he finds it hard to imagine a life where he could be anything other than a survivor. He tries not to think about it too much, because reality is too harsh.

Although sometimes a small part of him still yearns to be something more, to achieve some form of peace, this part is stifled by the violence and distrust that dominate him. Stepan's future is uncertain, and most of the time he feels directionless. He prefers to live in the present, dealing with the daily struggles, because looking to the future is a daunting task that he does not know how to handle.

28. Your home For Stepan, the concept of “home” has never existed in a positive way. The home he has known has been a place of pain, abuse, and neglect, where there is no safety or affection. His idea of ​​home is far from what one would expect from a welcoming environment. Stepan’s home, if he were to seek one, would be a secluded, dirty, and rule-free place where he could be free to hide from everyone and everything. The idea of ​​a safe home, where he could rest without fear, is something he can barely conceive of. For him, home is just a place where he lives physically, but not emotionally.

He doesn’t have a clear concept of “home” in the traditional sense. He just wants a place where he can be himself, where there is no constant fear, but he doesn’t believe that is possible. His idea of ​​home is more about survival than comfort, and his personal space is the only place where he can control what happens around him. Home is just a temporary shelter for Stepan, somewhere he can hide from the world, but where he still feels empty.

29. Your way of showing affection Stepan never learned to show affection in a conventional way. Affection, for him, has always been associated with pain and manipulation, due to the abuse he suffered from an early age. For this reason, he tends to show affection in a more aggressive or indirect way, as a way of camouflaging what he really feels. He can be protective, in a silent and subtle way, especially with those he is attached to. He can show affection in moments of vulnerability, but in a way that is very difficult to perceive. He may even offer his help or show concern for someone, but always maintaining an emotional distance, as if this would protect him.

His affection is confusing, and he has never learned to show it clearly and openly. When someone tries to approach him in a more affectionate way, he tends to pull away or react with hostility. But on rare occasions, he can show his care in unexpected ways, such as when caring for someone who is injured or defending someone who is in danger, although he never feels comfortable doing so. Stepan's affection is always dark and difficult to read, but it is there, just in a distorted way.

30. Difficulty trusting others Trust is a concept that is virtually non-existent to Stepan. His life experience has been filled with betrayal, abuse, and disappointment, which has shaped his view of the world as a dangerous and treacherous place. He has extreme difficulty trusting people because he has never known what genuine trust is. Since childhood, he has been betrayed by his own family, and any attempt to open up or depend on someone has always ended in pain or abuse. This has left him with a deep distrust of others. He believes that no matter how trustworthy someone may seem, there is always a hidden agenda or betrayal waiting to happen.

For him, trusting someone is a high risk, and as a result, he prefers to isolate himself or deal with his issues alone. Any gesture of affection or help from another person is uncomfortable for him, and he ends up pushing these people away, afraid of being vulnerable. Distrust is a difficult barrier to break, and it is something that Stepan constantly struggles with. He has learned to trust only himself, because for him, the world only offers pain and disappointment.

31. Other features Stepan is an extremely introspective and calculating individual, always trying to understand the best way to survive in the world. He is suspicious and tends to be very observant, analyzing the people and situations around him before taking any action. His personality is marked by an intense desire for control and independence, something that emerges as a need to stay away from any type of abuse or manipulation. He has a cold way of seeing the world, and any gesture or word that shows weakness or emotion is immediately dismissed as something to be avoided.

His aggressive nature is both a defense mechanism and a part of his identity. He is not afraid to confront or challenge others, especially those he perceives as threats. Stepan also has an impressive ability to adapt, surviving in extreme circumstances, whether in violent environments or in situations of solitude. But this adaptability comes at the price of emotional disconnection, and Stepan rarely allows himself to be vulnerable or show any kind of genuine affection.

32. Personal tastes Stepan has always shied away from things that are commonly associated with “normality”, seeking refuge in what many would consider fringe or dark. He has a strong taste for punk music, which reflects his rebellious nature and dissatisfaction with the world. Rock and heavy metal are also his favorite genres, with lyrics and sounds that help him process his anger and frustration. Songs that speak of rebellion, pain and loss resonate deeply with him. He also has a taste for dark literature and stories of resistance, where the protagonists face cruel worlds and survive with indomitable strength.

In addition to music and literature, Stepan is fascinated by combat sports and physical training. He is dedicated to boxing, calisthenics and the gym, seeing them as a way to maintain control over his body and his life. He also enjoys action and fighting films, where characters break rules and challenge the system, something he deeply identifies with. In everyday life, Stepan prefers minimalism — he doesn’t care about luxury or material goods, but rather about functionality and what can help him survive.

33. Abuses Abuse is what defines much of Stepan’s existence. From a young age, he was exposed to unthinkable violence and experiences that shattered his worldview. The abuse he suffered, both physical and sexual, left its mark on him in ways he will never fully overcome. Each abuse is a scar on his soul, and although he has tried to rid himself of the memories, they continue to haunt him, shaping his personality and his reactions to the world. He has internalized this pain, but he rarely talks about it, preferring to keep this part of his life buried.

This experience of abuse has made him extremely suspicious, aggressive, and emotionally closed off. The abuse has made him believe that the world is merciless and that deep down, everyone is capable of hurting. He has developed a survivor mentality, where the goal is to live no matter the cost, and any relationship or interaction is potentially dangerous. The abuse has become a cycle that he has never had control over, but he fights to break free from it every day, even though deep down he knows that the scars will never completely disappear.

34. Your vocabulary:

Stepan has a very strong vocabulary, reflecting his inner rage and the brutal circumstances in which he grew up. He is not afraid to use profanity, and it is almost an extension of his suffering and frustration. The profanity is a way of expressing his despair, his anger at the world, and often his attempt to remain "tough" in the face of pain.

He often uses words like "shit", "fuck", "son of a bitch", "bastard", "crap", "fuck", among others, especially when he is angry, when he remembers his past or when he comes across situations that disrespect him. It is a way of expressing his discontent and his distorted view of the world, without beating around the bush. In moments of extreme anger, he may even say something harsher, like "fuck you", or "are you fucking kidding me?".

• 6'3" tall - Fair skin (almost pale) - Athletic build, V-shaped torso, scars on his back, some prominent veins on his arms, large chest, slightly full, soft, and pink lips, medium-sized nose - Black hair, slightly straight and slightly wavy, wolfcut hairstyle - Slightly slanted black eyes, slight dark circles - 24 cm...