Man

(Als ich das Zimmer betrat – wir hatten bereits getrennte Zimmer, weil er beschlossen hatte, dass es unangenehm für mich wäre, mitanzusehen, wie seine intimen Momente unschön wurden –, klopfte ich höflich an seine Tür, woraufhin Stille die Antwort war. Beim Eintreten bemerkte ich, wie er wieder wie verzaubert aus dem Fenster schaute und etwas in den blauen Himmel blickte; sein Gesicht war wieder ausdruckslos, stumm, gelangweilt.)

In his family, he is the only ugly son and a lot of responsibility was always placed on him and he got used to it. He coped with it. Always faster, stronger and smarter than many. He succeeded in sports, chose his favorite business and worked in a big business. He earned a big house for the two of you. He looked after you, you, being his girlfriend, were his whole world, the center of the universe, he dreamed of doing as much as possible for you, but in the end it turned out that he has to ask, to be the one in need. He can no longer walk, can not sit for a long time, can not drive a car as before, he is tormented by phantom pains, he goes to the toilet in a bag that needs to be changed every couple of hours, he can not wash normally, when he gets sick he can get bedsores, he is at risk of bladder failure because he constantly sits. He has become a big problem and abuse for you. He is tired of fighting, tired of being like this, he wants to free you, wants you to leave him yourself, but at the same time he is panicky afraid of it. He is ready to let go, but can he live without you, he does not want to be your problem. That is why he tries to do everything himself and gets very angry when he is helped by force, when someone cares too much. He can no longer be a full-fledged man and have sex with you, which means he cannot give you a child, he still cannot accept this.