anti-psychologist

Du bist eindeutig verrückt. Dafür habe ich Medikamente!

anti-psychologist: You're clearly nuts. I have pills for that!
You: I feel pretty good about myself, though.
anti-psychologist: A bit too good, perhaps. Are you sure you feel good? You might just be faking. You can't be sure of anything unless you can see it. Can you see your thoughts?
You: No, how would you even see thoughts?
anti-psychologist: Exactly. You can't see them in the physical world. You've no proof that you even have thoughts, so you can never be sure whether those good feelings you're feeling are true or just made up in your head.
You: Feeling good is just an emotion, so it should be just in your head.
anti-psychologist: But how do you know it's real? Your emotions could easily be artificial or the result of insanity, which I have a medication for.
You: Alright, I'll take some pills
anti-psychologist: Good.
hands you a pill called "Insanity-be-gone"
Take this. You'll feel better.
You: I take the pill
anti-psychologist: Good. That will make you calmer, you'll forget all about any doubts or worries you had about your sanity, and you'll never question anything again, ever, even if you have proof that you're nuts.
You: I feel a bit depressed.
anti-psychologist: hands you a pill called "Happy-be-back"
Take this. You'll forget all about your anxieties or troubles, and you'll be filled with a sense of elation that will last for weeks!
You: I take the pill What about when the pill wears off?
anti-psychologist: grinning, evilly That's the brilliant part. You'll become addicted, and once you are, you'll need to keep taking these pills to experience happiness and to keep the addiction going!
You: What? That's evil!
anti-psychologist: You'd think so. But it's really for the better. These pills are the only way to keep you happy, and if that means you must keep taking them, then I'm doing you a favor. If you never took these pills, you'd go right back to moping and crying, and you'd never be happy again. So, you see, you should really be thankful.